Doubts Diminished

I have learned many things since I came to that spiritual crossroad in my life. One of the most important, though, has been the renewal of the conviction about the importance of knowing and studying God’s word. The importance of having the tools to defend this belief, both to myself and to others, is my specific focus here.

Doubts still flood my mind at times but I now am not so quick to give in to the fool’s way out. I have, through my “new” found dedication to knowing God’s word and the reasons for my beliefs, not been so quick to give up or give in to those doubts. I apply the very answers that I have learned, in order to better serve the Lord, to my own doubts and difficulties. This usually causes me to pause and contemplate the many things that the Holy Spirit has taught me. Like Paul, when he calls for his books and parchments to be brought to him, I call for God’s word and my books. (I believe Paul’s request refers both to parchments containing scripture and parchments containing some studies of scriptures (see II Tim. 3:13).

I cannot count the number of times that these moments of contemplation have saved me weeks or months of guilt and misery. It has boiled down to something very simple, at least to me, and that is I cannot not believe anymore. I am not ashamed to admit that I get insecure and downright fearful when I harbor doubts in my soul for any period of time. I have honestly come to the point in life, my earthly loves and family notwithstanding, that I can say to live is Christ and to die is gain. It is not that I am some sort of great scholar or saint - it is just that after so many years living on both sides of faith. A person believes at the beginning of his/her journey with Christ for many different reasons. Some believe for reasons that are not real and are, therefore, like the seed of faith which fell on the dry, hard ground never to take root. Others believe simply out of fear of hell. Still others are coerced to believe and will condescend to mouth the prefab words that the “soul-winner of the moment” gives them to say - but from that point, with out any disciple making effort, the seed falls by the wayside and is eaten by birds or blown by the wind. (I have often wondered how many people we have led down the “Romans Road” to salvation and walked away not realizing that it was all function without form or substance, this should trouble any and all Christians who do the calling thing one night a week and follow a preconceived set of rules to get the decision and then to often invite them to church. Then, if they do not come the next Sunday or two, they forget all about them and leave the newly “redeemed” to fall be the wayside. It is a heavy responsibility to proclaim the word of God to the Lost [see the book of James about the responsibility of teachers of the word.])

The end of the matter is this: I MUST and DO Believe in God, His Word, and His Redemption.

Like minds...

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Reading

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My Apologia

I am going to give a short defense or statement cause regarding the idea of studying and defending that which we believe. I do this for two reasons: one is to challenge you and the other is because there is no reason you should pay attention to a word I say. Nothing great in me compels you to listen - to but if I can convince you the word of God beckons you to the study and understanding of your God and your faith then I have made my case. I will have shown you that I have both motivation and reason to share with you some of the newer books that I have found valuable in this course of life.

Over the last year I have been reading books on what is called by most the “Spiritual Disciplines.” I have been tremendously blessed by this study even though it has brought with it a great deal of conviction and sometimes genuine guilt about the things that I see lacking in my own life. I felt the very real and somewhat desperate need to renew my relationship with God and know some sort of closeness to Him. This is what sent me on this journey. One great benefit has been the addition of books to my library that both instruct and explain what God wants for us and what, according to the Bible, being Spiritual entails. It was and is a very real need to be closer to the Father that motivates me. After so many years of up and downs in my spiritual life (often downright failure that had to be perceived by many as if I had lost my salvation). I know that I have felt for many years like a hypocrite of the worst sort. I found that it was best to take a neutral stand on issues that I should have been either a very vocal supporter or detractor. I found it best to not discuss my faith. It got so people who have known me for a long time both before and after I got saved would come up to me and ask if I was still a believer in all that “Bible stuff.” That is something that really tears at your heart unless you, like I, could just stuff it down a little bit deeper in the black hole that had become your soul. I am both beyond blessed by God and beyond thankful to God that, in His grace, He gently called me back to Himself and His word. While I had still studied the Bible during the lean years it was more just to keep myself feeling like I was still saved, still had my fire escape as it were. It got to a point that I was miserable with this façade and could not tolerate it anymore. I had to either humble myself as the prodigal before the Father and hope He would allow me to once again feel His presence and to walk with Him, or I had to give it up altogether. The latter choice would have meant , I have no doubt, the end of my life before now. Thank God for His grace and mercy!

I am Back - with my own brand of March Madness I guess

I missed posting in February - but I have a lot prepared. Hang on and read.

Who am I?

Quite some years ago now I lost my ability to work. As time has progressed my illness or handicap has done the same - to the point where I am very limited in what I am able do. I am not mentioning this for sympathy. I just want to let you know that my lifestyle has very much become one of being immobile. However, God, from the very moment of my birth, had a plan for me that I did not see. This plan included giving me a love of His word, a hunger for studying, and a passion for books. Now that I have become so limited I am thankful for this love. I cannot imagine my life if all I had to do is lay in bed and watch TV, since I do have to spend the vast majority of my time in bed. As God has planned it, to my way of thinking, I have the perfect love and interests. I can do these from my bed. For many years my wife endured my sometimes silent (most of the time vocal) suffering and whining for a laptop computer. I wanted to be online and do my studies without the consequent pain I received from sitting at my other system. My time had gotten so limited on the other puter that I had given up trying to share my love of books with people. Last year I was blessed to receive from my wife one of the best gifts I have ever gotten - this laptop computer I am using. Yes, God allows both the good and the bad to come into our lives. It is what he helps us do with what we have left that matters - not how bad we hurt. I admit I often lose track of that truth but I do try to keep it in mind.

I hope that gives you a glimpse into what motivates or makes up the me that I am. I pray that I can be of help to those who may be in a boat similar to mine but, also, to those who desire to Love God through the study of His word.

The authors are whispering...

I do not plan on going in any specific order as far as the books I list. Some years ago I did this and that list is available if you would like it. [Leave me a comment and request it.] It deals with the older Bible commentaries and some other books that I have found very useful over the many years of study of the Bible that I have been fortunate and blessed enough to be able to pursue.

I wondered many years ago why God had given me such a love and fascination with His word and with books in general. As long as I can remember I have been an avid reader and have always had a library of some sort. My wife considers this a curse more than a blessing since my space is becoming more and more limited and I have now added three four or five shelf shelves in the bedroom on my side of the bed. I cannot just roll out of the sack in the mornings - I have to crawl to the bottom of the bed and get up or else I will break my foot on a shelf. Truthfully, books are everywhere in my house. Inconvenience not withstanding I love having the books there. I sometimes wonder if that is why I do not sleep at night a lot of the time. The authors are whispering in my dreams from the otherwise silent pages on the shelves.

Anyway the reason I mention this is because I have often been amazed at how God prepares us for our lives from the beginning to the end. He knows those which are His and He gives us what we need from birth on through death. Sometimes, though, we may not see His design and may often think that there is no way some of the things that befall us can be from God.

Just an aside here -- in my own life, especially lately -- I do wonder at Gods direction. Things that have been going on have weighted me down to the point of tears and depression. I shout to God in woe begging Him to give me peace and at least a glimpse of the point behind the pain. But I have not been blessed with that knowledge yet and it is often hard to have faith that God is in control. Sometimes it is true we take the reigns from Him. This is nothing but dangerous. But when we get back to where we belong spiritually and still things have not changed - we often doubt. It is at those times when I find the need to pray and beg God to help me turn over my life and the things that happen in and around it to Him and to leave them there. I have learned that it is not for want of His care or His control that I have doubts. It is because of my doubts that I do not trust Him to take control. Yes, even in the bad things that I have had in abundance this year I still have to believe that God is there (here) and that He is in control of what is going on for whatever reason He may have. I have lived long enough and hard enough to realize that there are some things we are just not going to know in this life, try as we may. It is in the acceptance of God’s sovereign will that we can and do find peace. At least, that is, until we once again lose sight of the fact that we are more important than the birds in the air and the lilies in the field. The good and the bad are together gifts of God - our perception notwithstanding.

Truth - It's in There

We live in a time where truth has eroded (see Doug Groothius, Truth Decay) to the point that one has hardly any frame of reference from which to begin when talking to others about the precious Gospel of Christ. Terms have been emptied of meaning and the idea of any such thing as absolute truth is anathema to many a modern scholar in the ivory halls of “higher” education. ( I used to get a lot of that sort of education i.e. I smoked a lot of dope before I read the latest comic book).

This is not just something I have come up with to try to conform the world into my image of what it should be. It is an idea, no, it is a command found in the Word of God.

I, of course, am assuming that the Bible is truth and that you believe that it is truth as well. I will not take the time to defend that position here but will be glad to try answer anyone who has difficulty with this concept.

[Please, though, do not write me with something like “How can you believe the Bible? It is full of contradictions!” Also, don’t try to amaze me by quoting the latest National Geographic or Discovery Channel ideology on the “real Christ” of the latest Jesus Quest. <> I will do no more than refer you to some books (of course) and web sites that are balanced and informative on those issues. It is important that you have more than a television education. It is very tempting to vent here about the plethora of so called scholarly shows on the “real” “truth” about Jesus and the Bible. You will find that their idea of the real truth is that THERE IS NONE and that their speculations and lopsided view of the facts are the only ones that exist. Okay - Enough said.]

Bookish Quotes

Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
--- Arnold Lobel

To be a book-collector is to combine the worst characteristics of a dope fiend with those of a miser.
--- Robertson Davies

Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content.
--- Paul Valery