Doubts Diminished

I have learned many things since I came to that spiritual crossroad in my life. One of the most important, though, has been the renewal of the conviction about the importance of knowing and studying God’s word. The importance of having the tools to defend this belief, both to myself and to others, is my specific focus here.

Doubts still flood my mind at times but I now am not so quick to give in to the fool’s way out. I have, through my “new” found dedication to knowing God’s word and the reasons for my beliefs, not been so quick to give up or give in to those doubts. I apply the very answers that I have learned, in order to better serve the Lord, to my own doubts and difficulties. This usually causes me to pause and contemplate the many things that the Holy Spirit has taught me. Like Paul, when he calls for his books and parchments to be brought to him, I call for God’s word and my books. (I believe Paul’s request refers both to parchments containing scripture and parchments containing some studies of scriptures (see II Tim. 3:13).

I cannot count the number of times that these moments of contemplation have saved me weeks or months of guilt and misery. It has boiled down to something very simple, at least to me, and that is I cannot not believe anymore. I am not ashamed to admit that I get insecure and downright fearful when I harbor doubts in my soul for any period of time. I have honestly come to the point in life, my earthly loves and family notwithstanding, that I can say to live is Christ and to die is gain. It is not that I am some sort of great scholar or saint - it is just that after so many years living on both sides of faith. A person believes at the beginning of his/her journey with Christ for many different reasons. Some believe for reasons that are not real and are, therefore, like the seed of faith which fell on the dry, hard ground never to take root. Others believe simply out of fear of hell. Still others are coerced to believe and will condescend to mouth the prefab words that the “soul-winner of the moment” gives them to say - but from that point, with out any disciple making effort, the seed falls by the wayside and is eaten by birds or blown by the wind. (I have often wondered how many people we have led down the “Romans Road” to salvation and walked away not realizing that it was all function without form or substance, this should trouble any and all Christians who do the calling thing one night a week and follow a preconceived set of rules to get the decision and then to often invite them to church. Then, if they do not come the next Sunday or two, they forget all about them and leave the newly “redeemed” to fall be the wayside. It is a heavy responsibility to proclaim the word of God to the Lost [see the book of James about the responsibility of teachers of the word.])

The end of the matter is this: I MUST and DO Believe in God, His Word, and His Redemption.

Like minds...

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My Apologia

I am going to give a short defense or statement cause regarding the idea of studying and defending that which we believe. I do this for two reasons: one is to challenge you and the other is because there is no reason you should pay attention to a word I say. Nothing great in me compels you to listen - to but if I can convince you the word of God beckons you to the study and understanding of your God and your faith then I have made my case. I will have shown you that I have both motivation and reason to share with you some of the newer books that I have found valuable in this course of life.

Over the last year I have been reading books on what is called by most the “Spiritual Disciplines.” I have been tremendously blessed by this study even though it has brought with it a great deal of conviction and sometimes genuine guilt about the things that I see lacking in my own life. I felt the very real and somewhat desperate need to renew my relationship with God and know some sort of closeness to Him. This is what sent me on this journey. One great benefit has been the addition of books to my library that both instruct and explain what God wants for us and what, according to the Bible, being Spiritual entails. It was and is a very real need to be closer to the Father that motivates me. After so many years of up and downs in my spiritual life (often downright failure that had to be perceived by many as if I had lost my salvation). I know that I have felt for many years like a hypocrite of the worst sort. I found that it was best to take a neutral stand on issues that I should have been either a very vocal supporter or detractor. I found it best to not discuss my faith. It got so people who have known me for a long time both before and after I got saved would come up to me and ask if I was still a believer in all that “Bible stuff.” That is something that really tears at your heart unless you, like I, could just stuff it down a little bit deeper in the black hole that had become your soul. I am both beyond blessed by God and beyond thankful to God that, in His grace, He gently called me back to Himself and His word. While I had still studied the Bible during the lean years it was more just to keep myself feeling like I was still saved, still had my fire escape as it were. It got to a point that I was miserable with this façade and could not tolerate it anymore. I had to either humble myself as the prodigal before the Father and hope He would allow me to once again feel His presence and to walk with Him, or I had to give it up altogether. The latter choice would have meant , I have no doubt, the end of my life before now. Thank God for His grace and mercy!

I am Back - with my own brand of March Madness I guess

I missed posting in February - but I have a lot prepared. Hang on and read.